Spring and summer are times for new beginnings for so many things! We get to have more fresh vegetables again, the new flip flops hit the pavement, and in my case, a new outlook on a few ideas.
Last spring, I had lost about 20 pounds and was getting used to the idea of losing weight. I thought that losing all the weight I wanted to lose would make life so much easier and I would automatically have all my body worries go away. Life would be peachy keen and worry free!
Ummm… Not so much!
Instead there are variety of different issues that can pop up and the realization that there are flaws that one used to consider a liability that can now be considered a benefit. Who knew one could draw strength from a weakness simply by recognizing it and talking about it? I sure didn’t!
Sometimes, I think I talk too much once I get started on a topic and that can come in handy when friends notice something and point it out. It also helps when you decide to go see a therapist or just spend time talking to those that are close to you. Then I step back and think about what I said a good portion of the time…
Getting past plateaus is frustrating, but my biggest struggle in this whole weight loss thing (besides finding the right strategy/wagon – but more on that later) is realizing that even if you are trying to lose weight the healthy way, you can end up having unhealthy thoughts.
The thing is that about two months ago or so, I realized that I was still thinking of myself as being fat. Now, I know that is rather normal for a fair amount women since we all want to be our own version of perfect, but I had a hard time saying thank you when someone would compliment me or comment on how skinny I was getting. I just wasn’t seeing the results that everyone else was seeing. My confidence was a bit low at that point and with scary thoughts like thinking about buying a new bathing suit coursing through my mind – I hit the low. People were making comments about me wasting away and that bothered me! (I’m not wasting away, honestly I eat plenty – I promise!)
It got to the point where someone commented on how tiny I am getting and I responded by saying that I still feel fat even after losing almost 70 pounds! The reaction that I got from her and others in the room made me realize that it was time to talk to somebody.
I was still seeing myself as I had always been – insecure about the way I looked, hiding behind anything and everything, afraid to let even my family and friends see anything that I was ashamed of, and completely scared of the changes that were happening.
That after years of being a plus-size girl and then 17 months of working on a big lifestyle change, I have had hard time accepting the fact that I now shop in what I have always considered to be the "skinny" part of the store. I always wanted to shop there one day...I always wanted to be more athletic, the one that could eat anything and not gain a pound, to be able to wear all that cute stuff etc. I thought once I lost all the weight I wanted to, things would be perfect and all the problems would be solved.Hardly...I'm still working on getting to my goal, but I've encountered new bumps in the road. It’s a journey, but one that I am getting comfortable on and it has been teaching me a lot in regards to who I am. There will be more about this since dealing with the bumps gets easier when one opens up and talks to people :)